Friday, February 25, 2011

An Ode To Some Things Wonderful.

Since I regrettably do not have the time for a long post tonight, I'm just going to share some highlights.

Beautiful things i saw today:
  • The proud look on a mentally disabled girl's face when Special Olympics was announced at our winter pep rally.
  • The ice cream sorbet colored sunset across the Tobacco Root mountains.
  • The non-judgmental look on my new friends face as I talked way too loudly.
The nicest thing someone said to me today: 

"Your hands are freezing! Let me shelter them."

Something that surprised me today:

The fact that my older brother asked how my day was when he picked me up form drivers ed.

Life is beautiful, beauty is everywhere.

Monday, February 21, 2011

Everything is beautiful

I feel like I've crossed over into some sunny enlightenment, and I feel as though I've just walked out of a cave. What a wonderful feeling it is. There is about seven new inches of snow in Bozeman today, and with it comes the question of how in the world could anyone hate winter? Since I haven't written in a long time, I'll catch you up. We got a yellow lab a few days ago and his name is Lucky. About a week ago we got a parakeet, who I first named Emerson, but who we now call Bitey, for reasons that should be obvious. Since I wrote about the broken zipper on my coat, I had been saving up my money for many weeks and bought a wonderful blue coat yesterday, which gives me all the more reason to adore winter. Also, the coordinator of the camp that i want to work at this summer had told me that my application has not been disqualified and that I'm going through to the hiring process. This doesn't mean that I'm positively working there yet, but it means that I'm one step closer. I read a quote this morning that said 'A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step,' and I just can't get that out of my head, what an awesome image.  So, since I have copious amounts of review homework to complete today, I'd just like to let you know that there is beauty in everything, and if you notice it, you will undoubtedly be filled with joy.

Friday, February 4, 2011

First Night In Bozeman

In my life I feel the strong need to take the ordinary and make magic out of it, or at least adventure. Much of this comes from moving across the country in a pick-up truck and a minivan, with all our belongings in a horse trailer. My first night in the glory of the west was not a magical one in any way; We had been promised open plains, rolling hills, blue skies, and sunsets. We drove the last four hours to Bozeman in the rain, with an air of depression all around us. I didn't care for the mountains, and I hated Bozeman with all the passion in my ten-year-old body. When we arrived, we had no food, so Walter and dad went to the grocery store, and mom and I went to find a hotel. Our first and only stop was the Imperial Inn, downtown. I honestly cannot remember liking a place less. It smelled like decay, and it also looked like decay. After waiting on the Duct-taped pleather chairs for around a half an hour, dad called us and asked us to meet him at Albertsons grocery store, because we were going to stay in a place a friend at the church had given us. We went, bought a serated knife, a foot long sub, and a box of Honey Bunches Of Oats with Peaches cereal. We also bought four of those long rugs with the rubber on the bottom, which I'll tell you about later. We got to the "place" we had been given and I had no doubt why it had been free. It was number 59 in Wagon Wheel trailer park, it smelled like stale alcohol and urine, there were wild mushrooms (the non-edible variety) growing in the corner of the bathroom, and the whole trailer was placed at a tilt, so the anything you dropped on the left side would zoom to the other side and smack into the wall. after spending ten minutes in the trailer, my mom sat, leaning on the open door frame, and cried. When we were all inside we ate the food we had bought, cut with the knife we had bought, while sitting on the gritty floor together. Eventually we realized we would have to sleep here, and this is where the rugs come in. I spent my first night in Bozeman sleeping on that rug, which is now serving its intended purpose in the laundry room. Somehow we turned this place into a home, which has taught me that any place and any situation can be spectacular. Since I wrote about Wagon Wheel, I have to write about Henrietta. She was our next door neighbor, and at least once a week she would pound her elderly fist on our door and request the use of our cell phone. She was around 68, but she walked everywhere if she wasn't taking the Gallavan, and I believed she was certifiably off her rocker. Everyday she would turn on her favorite song, Somewhere Over The Rainbow, and listen to it multiple times on the highest volume setting available. I loved her and hated her at the same time. I feel the need to mention her because there's never been anyone quite as out there as she was. And probably still is, because to my knowledge she won't put her feet up until they fall off. After we had settled into this new life, I got the sunsets I was promised. I had a kite that was as big as me, and on breezy evenings my dad would take Walter and I to an Abandoned field near the trailer park and we would fly the kite against the backdrop of the sky and the mountains. And as the sun set we would lie down on the dead grass and watch as the sun sank sleepily into the the Tobacco Root mountains. Those times were magic.

Monday, January 24, 2011

Water All Around

Why is life like weather? Sometimes we can be happy, but it's only a matter of time before the clouds, the wind, and the rain are back again. And sometimes, when you expect it least, there comes a flood. We are in a flood. The reliable things in my life are washing away, and though I've accepted the fact that I personally can't change it, it still cuts like a knife. My uncle has cancer. It sounds too distant to say uncle. My mom's brother has cancer. It's bad. Stage four, and they just found out today. She is worried sick, even though she won't show it. I know everything happens for a reason, but I sure would like to know the reason behind this, God. I want to know why I see the people who hold me together falling apart. I want to know why we are numb and cold toward each other, and I want a book of answers. When the earth was flooded, and while Noah and the animals were safe and cozy on their boat, I wonder about the rest of the people, dirty and sinful and wet, and how they felt. Terrified and overwhelmed, with their hearts in their throats and their laughter gone. Maybe about how I am feeling now, but probably worse. Yesterday was not easy, but it was so much easier than today. Tomorrow might seem new, but it might get stained. And even though the rain is fun to dance in, it will make our lives messy afterword. And even though the clouds will give us shade, they make us forget the sun. And even though the wind blows us away from our stagnant lives, it never, ever tells us where to go.

Monday, January 17, 2011

Life Is Like A Weavers Loom

My first day of finals made me want to drop out of school and wander the streets like a hobo. I want to be free. I've been thinking a lot lately about reality, trust, and the fact that I believe everything happens for a reason. Life is like a big loom, weaving an elaborately patterned piece of cloth, where every thread is a person and every color, line or dot in the pattern are events that shape our lives. I spend the majority of my brain cells trying to figure out why things happen, and how my life can positively or negatively influence another persons. The over-spoken phrase is true; Life is complicated. Within each person is a soul, with complex problems that are like viruses. Each one of those troubled souls interact with other troubled souls, and create an even more intricate weave and pattern. This is what I think about when I'm not watching TV. Ever wonder why I love TV so much? This is why. I also mentioned trust. I never never once met a person other than Jesus who has not let me down in some way. Nothing is real, everything is fake in our world, that's been my experience. Every time I find someone who I hope is different from the rest, all I have to do is wait. Wait until I learn for the zillionth time that no one (absolutely no one) is who they say they are, or who you optimistically assumed they were. It is this reason that I stayed in school. I like to rattle the cage. I like being different, and being exactly who I say I am.  I wish life could be simpler, I wish we had the courage to be unique again. I wish our souls have never grown old.

Sunday, January 16, 2011

Bonne Weekend!

Finals week. Is. Tomorrow....and I definitely should be studying, but I'm definitely not. Aside from making a note card for my Geometry final and writing an essay, this has been one of the laziest weekends of my life. In other words, it has been wonderful. Here are some of the high lights of my weekend: "dog-sitting" with my bestie at her neighbors house, watching Americas Next Top Model while eating Coffee Almond Swirl ice cream, sleeping in, taking a bath with tons and tons of bubbles, and only changing out of my pajamas and putting on make-up when I actually had to go somewhere, like church. Americas Next Top Model is by far one of the most fascinating shows I've ever seen. Every time I watch it I learn something new about beauty in our world. So cool! I'm still in my pajamas now, and I have been all day, waiting for the jeans I painted on to be dry (remember the paint-spilling story? Same pants, new life span) and once they do, I'll try to find the courage to wear them in public. Other big news, our dog needed to be put down, which is sad, even though no one actually liked the dog except for my dad. His name was Jerry, and he was the skinniest, ugliest, smelliest, but most loving dog ever. My dad, named Don, misses him a lot, even though he won't talk about it. He's already looking for another dog to give him what he says is, "what your kids won't give you; love and adoration." It's almost time for youth group, which is actually pretty fun. We play a lot of dodge-ball. I'll check in tomorrow for a summary of the fist day of finals week.

Thursday, January 13, 2011

Red Paint

This day was bananas (B-a-n-a-n-a-s!). It started out with yours truly eating granola out of a mug, then in my 7:30am gym class we took our written final/essay, where I wasted 15 minutes writing about the "Journey of the ovum, Flight of the sperm," which I am hoping to never have to right about again in my life-time. After that, I left class early and wandered the halls, before completely schooling it up on my English II debate. We were debating the Park51 project, better known as the "mosque at Ground Zero" and whether or not it should be built. We flipped a coin, and I got con, when I had crossed my fingers for pro, but I debated, and won with a ten to one vote in my favor (Score!). I usually don't win things, so this was a pleasant surprise. In art class, after lunch, I dumped bright red Tempera paint all over my favorite pair of pants, then tried to clean in off with yellow and green paint on my hands. Did not work. Now I was a walking art project, though some how, having paint smeared all over my leg made me feel like a true artist, even though I actually looked like an idiot. I think I've finally found my niche in high school, as one of the artsy kids. One of the ones whose life does not revolve around the big ugly holding pen called school. I'd like to believe that I'm better than that. After drawing class, I had to take home the majority of my drawing folder in my hands, which was precarious, and just as I thought I would, I ended up practically throwing the stack of papers across the hallway. Luckily, I have the best friends on planet earth, and my friend Will picked up my art pieces while I whined and wailed about this day I was having. He's such a wonderful individual.  Now I am at home, and my favorite TV shows are on tonight; Community, The Office, 30 Rock, and Outsourced. There is no better cure than mindless television, and I know artists aren't supposed to say this, but I freaking love watching TV. Enough said.