I Was In Uganda, But I'm Back Now.

I've been back for more than a week now, and so I know it's a little late to tell you all about my time in Uganda. I had high hopes for blogging while I was gone, but our internet was so dishonest and shady and I was so busy doing real-life things that I didn't have the chance. The truth is, I could fill novels, publish a weekly magazine, or have my own hip and cool youtube channel just of stories and experiences and life lessons. So much happened, and I was blown away every morning, noon, and night by the complete and total realness of God and the need for his help. I have so much I could say, and yet I sit here in front of my computer screen with the feeling that I simply can't do the journey justice through the artificial clacking of a keyboard and a small corner of the internet. It was so important to me, and I don't know how I can convey it's ups, downs and in-betweens to you. It was amazing. My life and my identity have been changed and renewed. I will probably write more and more about it as I miss it more and more. I miss my Ugandan friends. I washed my clothes by hand, took baths from a plastic bucket, was constantly dirty, and  was completely happy and fulfilled for 6 glorious weeks under the equatorial sun. But now I'm home, and until I go back, it's time for me to take ownership of my life here. To live happily, to do good, and to make these beautiful days count.

My Life As Of Now.

Let me just begin by making some excuses for myself and why I seemed to have dropped off the earth for the past few months (ok, fine, more like half a year). My life has been both hectic and not super interesting at the same time. I've been flying all over the place trying to get everything done before I leave for Uganda, but I spared you the details of it, since I doubted that you'd be enthralled and mesmerized by my trips to Wal Mart to buy Clif bars and travel size tissue packs, or the details of waiting on hold for the doctors office so I can get my expensive antimalarials. So, on the bright side, my first year at MSU is done, and I no longer work at Kohls. It's feels so good to be moving on to a new phase of life. Speaking of life changes, I no longer live in a trailer park! That is worth mentioning and celebrating, considering that I've been living in trailer parks since I moved to Bozeman almost 10 years ago. I moved with my family to a super cute house on 15th Ave, about a mile from downtown. I live in the basement, which is kind of scary, but since it's only temporary, and I'll be moving again in August, I just think of it as part of the adventure. All of my stuff is overflowing from haphazardly packed plastic garbage bags and grocery store produce boxes. Walter, my hip and with it brother, got accepted to Cornell, and that is neat, so I thought I would mention it. ALSO, he turns 21 this Wednesday, so get him some hipster tank tops or beer if you're feeling generous.

Oh, and no big deal, but I leave in 12 days. And I'm sort of in denial. I'm so excited to leave and have another big adventure and hang out with some Ugandan kids, but I don't think I'll accept the fact that I'm leaving until I step off the plane in Entebbe. The same thing happened when I went to Thailand. I spent 36 hours in a sort of delusional daze, wandering off of one plane and onto another, and then when I stepped outside of the airport, suddenly I was in Bangkok. Anyway, I'm hoping that even through my state of denial I can still get everything accomplished that I need to. On Friday I go to the doctor for my antimalarials, and for someone who suffers from doctors office hysteria, that's kind of a scary thing. Every time I go to the doctor and they close the for on the scary exam room, everything is both hilarious and so terrifying at the same time, and I almost always cry about something stupid.

While I wait in this in between time of life, I try to keep things in perspective and remain calm, and try to fill my days with good things. I've been eating lots of vegetables, drinking a lot of tea, and taking my dog on a lot of walks. I've also bought some houseplants, which I'm trying to keep healthy, since I'm very skilled at killing plants by doing everything that's supposed to be good for them. And as always, I've been trying to spend as much time as I can with my excellent boyfriend, who fixes my car and is much too kind and patient.

So, this is my life right now. 

I Am The Worst Blogger Ever

Hello readers, it's been awhile. I know, consistency, reliability, good writing, I know. I haven't blogged since somewhere around the beginning of the semester. I would make an excuse and say that I've been terribly busy, while for awhile, I WAS, in fact, terribly busy, but I just spent the whole of winter break sleeping in until 10 and fiddling around all day. I could have written an entire novel in that month of lazy farting around. It's just hard to pick back up again and try to sum up my life on a computer screen. I'll try to do a bit of that now, but I'm giving you the abridged version, because I don't have time to type out 4 months-worth of my life.

Article 1: Education. I made it through one successful semester, with all A's! I was a total nerd and spent most of the day getting things done in the library (where I am right now!), and working in the evenings. I averaged 5 or six hours of sleep per night, which is not enough for me, and I was completely drained and pale and exhausted all the time. But I did it, and I feel really good about that. I still don't love college, and a few days ago I had a breakdown at the thought of coming back, but now here I am and it's actually nice to feel productive and purposeful again. Today is the start of a new semester, and after a good cry, I'm ready. Plus, when this semester drags itself to a slow close, I will leave for Uganda, which brings us to Article 2.

Article 2: Africa! The story of how and why I will be going to Uganda the summer is kind of complicated, but also very simple if I don't go into the details. I met the founder of Uganda Orphans Fund, he said, "Do you want to come to Uganda?" And I said, "of course I want come to Uganda," and then so did several other people, and now there is a team of us who will leave in June, and stay for a month or longer. I have been preying about going back to Africa for about two years, and then in the span of one hour I was invited to Uganda, told I could stay for as long as I felt called to, and decided that I needed to go. And, as a fun bonus, my mom is coming along! She's always wanted to work with children somewhere in Africa, and when I had learned the details of the Uganda trip, I knew she had to be a part of it because it was the exact thing she's wanted to do for years. Yay, God!

Article 3: My boyfriend. I don't like to be sappy or romantic on the internet. Ever. So I'll just be brief and let you all know that he's excellent, I love him, we're happy, I'm very lucky, and he's way out of my league. Romantic status update complete.

I am really looking forward to this new year, and as amazing as 2013 was for me, I have the feeling that 2014 will be even more fantastic, challenging, and teaching. Thanks for reading this rambling, overly-peppy, and severely late blog post! I'll try to do a better job of keeping you informed about my life this year. 

School Is Like Vitamins.

Here's the deal; I'm still not wild about the idea of being in school, but in the past two weeks I've come to realize how good it is for me. It's like vitamins, the grown-up kind, not the gummy Flinstone's ones. Not super fun, but making a better person. It's opening my mind back up again and challenging my thinking. I like to imagine my brain lifting weights. It's doing that in class, only no one can see it and I can't feel it. But I think about it anyway, because it gives me just a little more motivation to read and re-read pages of French and articles about the benefits and negative effects of assigning homework to elementary age students. I have homework about homework. I know.

The good thing is, I want to be a teacher, a really great teacher, so I work way harder in all my classes and participate in my  learning way more than I ever did in high school. As a result, I'm pretty busy. Turns out, when you do all your homework and show up to all your classes, it takes up most of the day. In addition to this, I also work most evenings at Kohl's, and spend Friday nights hanging out with middle school students at the youth group I volunteer for. Goodbye social life, I'll see you next summer. After going to Thailand and having WAY too much free time, this is kind of a shock to my system. Some days I have a half hour of free time during the whole day. This is usually used to get ready for work. But that's okay, being busy is good for me too. I have to budget my time and stay focused, two things I've never been good at.

Well, I have to go write about things of importance now, like learning styles and homework about homework about homework. As always, thanks for reading, friends.

Diary of a Slightly Reluctant College Student: Day 1.

Well, folks it's really done. My first day as a college student. I had medium-high expectations for this day, and in my head it was an easy day in which I met a few friends and got to know my classes. I would arrive on time, have all the materials I needed, and eat lunch in the sunshine on one of MSU's many pristine lawns. Nope. I arrived late, hit my elbow on my friend's car and got blood on my shirt, couldn't remember a darn thing in my French class, skipped lunch, went to the wrong class, and cried in the bathroom. Twice. The truth is, I don't want to go to college. When I tell people this, they say one of two things. One is, "if you don't want to be there, don't go wasting your money and time on it!" Or two, "Oh, come on, yes you do! College was the best time of my life, and I'm quite certain that it will be yours too, so pipe down, put on a smile, and join a club or something." Well, something along those lines. I can't take One's advice, because I know what I want to do after college. I have dreams and goals, and college is a necessary step in the process. I just don't want to go through it right now. This part of my life is putting me well into dept, and making my resources severely limited. I want to be traveling, I want to be adventurous, I want to skip to the end, where I'm a teacher and living in Africa or Asia or somewhere else distinctly different. I don't want to be here spending all my money for four years. FOUR YEARS. In response to Two, I really do want to like it. I'm trying hard. I'm introducing myself to people, I'm meeting my teachers, I'm studying things that interest me, but I guess I just can't get used to the idea of being in college. I can't accept that that is where I am in life right now, when I want to be doing to much more already. I will learn to like this experience. Some things are just waiting to be made the best of. I need patience, I need courage, and I need money, because MSU practically charges you to go to the bathroom. This is the beginning of a new stage of life, one that I'm not comfortable with yet, but one that I'll get through.

Back To Way-Too-Normal Life

I've been out of Thailand for nearly a month. The time has flown by, and I can't believe that next month the fall semester begins. I've made the decision to try the first two weeks of classes at MSU, and after that, I can continue if I like it or defer enrollment for another year if I don't. I hope I like it. My life is suddenly so normal again, and it's almost uncomfortable to be so comfortable. I'm looking for a job, going to interviews, having coffee with friends, and going running in the morning. Also, I'm cooking my own food and doing my own laundry again. Normal people stuff. What scares me is not how much I've changed by going on this trip, but by how easily things could go right back to the way they were in April, and my life would exist as if I'd never left. I can't let things go back to the way were. I don't want to go straight back to being the exact same person who I was before I left. Travel gives you a chance to reinvent yourself as whoever you want to be; another version of your self, or another person all together. I liked the version of myself I had made while backpacking, and I don't want that to slip away. Things HAVE to stay different.

And Suddenly, I'm Sure Of Nothing.

Do you sometimes get confused when the road of your life takes a huge and swinging turn? Do you wish you could peek around the corner and make sure things will work out in the end? Do you ever wake up and think about the plans you made for yourself, plans you were sure of, and suddenly panic and realize that you simply need to do something radically different and wonder if you were ever really sure about anything at all? Do you sometimes think about putting on your shoes and stepping out of your front door and going on a walk that lasts forever and from which you never fully come home? Because I do. And I don't think I'm the only one. Sometimes I want to keep my crazy thoughts to myself and not write them here for you all to read, but perhaps candor is the best medicine at times such as this. And I already have a blog and everything. Let's have a heart-to-heart, readers. I was so homesick for the last part of my time in Thailand, and I thought "home" would be partly when I arrived in New York, and then finally complete when I returned to Bozeman. But I've been here with family and friends for nearly two weeks, and while it was necessary for the recharging of my spirit, I'm ready to leave again for another unknown destination, and even though I want to, I don't feel the need to go back to Bozeman yet. Or go to school in the fall. I was so sure about attending school at MSU; I was even sure what I wanted to major in and what I wanted to do with my life after I graduated. But one day I woke up, and thought about attending freshman orientation, and registering for classes, and sitting in those classes, and being on a campus (albeit a beautiful one), and spending four years spending all my money and taking out the large loans I will obviously need, and I burst into tears. I panicked. I don't want to go. Eventually, I do. I want a college degree in an area of work that I am passionate about, but I don't know if I can handle that right now. I just want to GO. I want to continue living out of my backpack and living new lifestyles. I want to wander. I'm coming back to Bozeman, and I'll make my decision after I've had some time to think things through. Maybe I'll see attending school differently when I'm finally readjusted to stationary life in Montana. I don't want to rush into things. I've found it's most dangerous to rush into the things we most want to rush into. And I won't tell the wispy but promising plans that are taking shape for my future. But I am suddenly rearranging all the plans I made; shuffling some back into the future, moving some up to the front, making a few new ones, and tearing a few up all together. Caught in a suddent fit of restlessness and anxiety, I wrote my first-ever bucket list. It's huge. I want to do everything. I scrawled across two pages of my journal with some of the top items of importance. I think I need to go more and do more before I can do much else. I don't know. I'll be pacing the floors and making secret plans, and I'll try to keep you posted. Also, I'll be home in less than one week. And that's a little frightening.