News. Not The Best.

Today I got the aforementioned news. I thought it would be about my job description, but it wasn't. They told me that it wasn't safe for me to go to Ethiopia alone, and they didn't know where I would live once I got there. Their solution is that I must wait until a female between 18 and 25 years of age applies, and then we will travel and live together. They aren't sure how long I will have to wait, and that scares me half to death. I know this is for the best, but I wanted different news. I got off the phone, and I cried. I cried until my nose was clogged and I was hiccupping between sobs. I don't know why I felt so discouraged and sad, but I did, and I still do. I don't want to wait anymore! I'm sick of it. They say that when one door closes another one opens. It doesn't matter to me what doors open if I can't walk through them. I pray that that other woman, who ever she is and where ever she is, would feel called to missions work soon, because I so desperately need to live in Ethiopia. My calling, my purpose, and my future are on the other side of the world. The people I miss, the lives I long to innteract with, are all going on without me. I think that I will go on a few more short term trips, though I have no idea how I will raise the funds. I said that I would not go on any more short term missions, but now I will do anything and everything to be in Ethiopia. Maybe I'll go other places while I wait, too. I have no idea. Just when I was laying down a plan, it was torn out from under me. Reader, please pray for my sanity. Just imagining living and working where I do for an indefinite amount of time breaks my restless heart. This is for the best. This is God's plan. I certainly don't understand it, but I suppose He means well for me. I have no Idea what the next year will bring, but right now I don't have the courage to wonder. God will show me. 

Small News

I have news: in the next few days, I should be receiving my job description for my P61. After that, I will fly to Thompson Station Church in Tennessee for some assessment interviews. After that, I should know whether or not I get to move to Ethiopia. It would be easy for me to be overcome by anxiety, but I am choosing to trust God in all things, and that means that I don't hold the plan. I am only a vessel for the purpose of Christ. I have faith in Him; He's never let me down before, and quite frankly, I don't think He'll start now. I want an escape, an adventure, a wild and irrational dream, and I want it now. But I can't do that. It's my restless immaturity talking, and it would be a mistake to settle for anything less than the plan God holds for my life. These past few months of my life has been an exercise in waiting, and I will be very relieved when I finally know some details of my future. Please pry for me, and that whatever news I receive about my potential job in Ethiopia, that God's will would be done and that I would take it in stride with maturity and grace. 

Smoothies (Just For Fun).

I should really just quit my job at the retirement center and become a professional smoothie maker. Really. Oh wait, that doesn't exist. While I can't do that, I can share with you a few of my delightful (and healthy!) smoothie recipes.

Peanut Butter Chocolate 

Blend: 

1frozen banana

2 T peanut butter

1T unsweetened cocoa powder

A splash of milk, soy milk, or water

A few ice cubes

1 handful of uncooked oats.

Health Junkie

Blend:

1 C fresh spinach

A handful of frozen berries or strawberries

1 frozen banana

1/4 whole avocado

A splash of orange juice or water.

Avocado Delight

Blend:

1/2 whole avocado

1 frozen banana

A splash of vanilla soy or almond milk.

Healthy Pumpkin Pie

Blend: 

1 frozen banana

1/2 C canned pumpkin

1/4 whole avocado

A splash of vanilla soy or almond milk

Cinnamon and nutmeg, to taste.

As you can probably tell from reading these recipes, I'm all about avocados in smoothies right now. They are super healthy and help to thicken up smoothies as well as replacing dairy. Try one (or all) of these and let me know what you think!

 

Some Early September Thoughts.

How many times do I write about the waiting times in my life? How many times do I find myself in the midst of them? Often, yet here I am again. I don't have any new news concerning Ethiopia (yet),  but I haven't posted in awhile, so I just thought I'd share some thoughts and events of the waiting times of Mads.
-Something I'm learning: the purity of a quiet mind. Keeping your mouth closed is one thing, but to be truly quiet is a whole other deal. Even when my I'm not running my lips off, my mind shouts. There is not enough time to think each agressive thought, they all fight for command, so they run over each other and interrupt one another. So lately I've been trying to learn how to be quiet in both body and mind. It's more difficult than you might think in our culture of system overload and multitasking. However, when I am able to quiet my mind, there is a renewed clarity and gentle beauty to subtle things in life.
-Something I'm reading: The Elegance of the Hedgehog. Actually, I've already finished it, but it's too god not to mention. This book. Let me tell you, it's probably my favorite book I've ever had the pleasure of reading. The story of an upper-class appartment building in France, and the lives of its residents, mainly the concierge, Renee, and a twelve year old girl namd Paloma. The author, Muriel Barbery, has an intensely beautiful style of writing that is almost poetic. The original book was writen in French, and the translation into English while retaining the some of the patterns of speach of spoken French only add to its brilliance. This is an amazingly thought-provoking little novel, and I strongly recommend it to anyone. There are three copies at the Bozeman Public Library. You should read it.
-Something I love right now: Naps. I just really like to take naps a lot. I used to strongly dislike naps because I would go to sleep for an hour, and when I woke up, I thought it was the morning of the next day, and I had greatly overslept and no one had had the decency to wake me. Now, I get on just fine with naps, especially after a draining day at work. I come home, eat a snack, go into my room, take off some of my work clothes and fall into bed. Sometimes I sleep for one hour, sometimes I sleep for three. I get a lot of good thinking done before and after I fall asleep. There has been research done about naps, and the findings are that you should probably take one. They help with just about everything, from concentration to weightloss.
Well, that's about enough of this post. I could keep writing, but as you scrolled down over my seemingly endless and unrelated paragraphs, you would probably lost motivation and choose not to read any of them. So thanks for reading, keep thinking worthwhile thoughts and writing your own story.     -mads

Undeniable Rights of The Universe

Sometimes, life is bright and wonderful. Sometimes it's not, and when this is the case, we forget the light and shrivel up into human raisins of sadness. Why can't we find joy in all things and all circumstances? I've been thinking a lot about joy and contentment, their opposites, and their crucial role in our small but potent lifetime. Why aren't humans granted joy and contentment as undeniable rights of the universe? Why are both of these things elusive, and why must we put in so much effort to attain them? The simple answer, the easy answer that allows our brains a trivial and short-lived victory, is that we must work harder in order to attain these things, and that hard work causes us to live a fuller life. But what is a full life? Is any life lived not a "full" life? What makes it full? It became, it was, and then it ended. If joy and contentment were undeniable gifts to the human race, would we not consider every life a full one? In my understanding, the point of striving for a full life is to achieve a state of peace and lack of regrets about your life. But, if people were joyful to begin with, every moment would hold the significance necessary to generate contentment, and if we were naturally content, there would be no greed, no depression, maybe even no crime or broken families.  People would give freely of what they had, because they wouldn't be counting it and locking it in boxes they never open. Those who received it would feel blessed and thankful, because it was a gift they did not feel entitled to, given by someone who did not give it out of guilt, but out of joy. What would the world as a whole look like? I can't even imagine. Unfortunately, the chances of us experiencing this are not great. However, I am challenging myself to consider joy and contentment my undeniable rights as a human being, and whenever I am feeling dejected or greedy, I will polish the dust off these rights, reminding myself that they are mine if only I chose to use them, and exercise them to their fullest potential of the moment.

Another Step Taken.

Ladies and gentlemen, the world can be a most deflating place. I often find that hope takes more courage than hopelessness. If you do not hope, you don't feel the sharp cut of disappointment when those hopes are dashed. Hopelessness is full of sadness, but much more predictable than hoping. I was finally able to send my application for my job in Ethiopia last week, and with the hitting of the send button came a bubbling-up of mixed nerves and the feeling that this could be the thing that I've been dreaming of. I received an email today about scheduling an interview, and my heart skipped a beat as my dream took another small step towards reality. I don't know if I will get this job, but my goodness, I want it badly. They could have turned me down a long time ago, but they still haven't, and that has to mean something. It's so hard to trust God and keep hope intact when at any step in the process I could be turned down after hours of work, weeks of worry, and millions of prayers. But regardless of the outcome, it has already been an exercise in hope and faith. In a sometimes bleak and tiring world, exercises in hope are important. They teach us to strive for something better, to imagine a brighter life. Or, it teaches me that anyway. God has made the problem and solution of my life right now quite clear: Your heart is in Ethiopia. Go find it. So I said Ok, I will start the journey if you will show me what to do. And He has. Please pray for this journey that I have begun, pray that nothing would block my path, and pray that I never lose hope or the faith that God knows what He's doing.  -mads

Bon Voyage, Brother! (And Lizzy)

This morning at 6am, my brother, Walter, left for Ethiopia for the first time in his life. I am extremely excited to hear about his adventures when he returns. It is amazing to think that last year at this time, it was me getting on the plane, taking off for the happiest two weeks of my life. The two weeks that would force me to re-examine my future, and make some drastic descisions that would begin my long journey of trying to return to Ethiopia. One member of Walt's team is Lizzy, my neighbor/close friend/previous Ethiopia roomate. Last night Lizzy and I went on a long walk, and talked about all that she hoped to accomplish this time around, some ways it would be different from the previous trip, and how desperately I wished I was going with her and Walt and the rest of their team. When I came home from her house (where we like to watch the Olympics and hula hoop), the sadness I had been supressing for the majority of the evening finally built up and ruptured inside me. I wish it were me going back! People I know get to go back! Why is it so hard to just be where I so want to be? Thoughts flooded my head, I couldn't sleep, and so I lay in bed and cried, imagining that in the morning I, too, would be waking up far before the sun and boarding a plane that would take me back to the place I miss. At 11:30, I was almost asleep, but not feeling any better, my phone made the text message noise, and I looked to find a test from Lizzy, that sarcastic angel; 'just think, you'll be living there soon.' That was what I needed to hear. A reminder to be patient and keep working, because soon it will pay off and I will get to live in a place I never knew I would need to be. For now, I will work and trust and wait, and pray for my brother and friend as they encounter God in my favorite place on earth. Good luck, August team 2012! I wish I were there to learn and serve with you! I'll be praying.
-mads