The VIP Sleeper Bus All-Inclusive Experience.

Do you enjoy long, sleepless, uncomfortable nights? do you ever feel that transportation makes too much sense? Would you like to spend a night in a child-sized bed with a complete stranger in the most nonsexual way possible? If you answered yes to one or more of these questions, then take the sleeper bus, and experience social and physical discomfort like never before! First, it may seem like you're in for a good night or sleep; the lights dim, you have a nice little mattress, and you start to doze lightly before the bus even leaves. But don't worry, a stranger who is obviously larger than you will be hoisting himself onto your bed shortly, taking up the majority of the already tiny mattress. Naturally, he'll snore, and roll over a lot, and accidentally-maybe-not-accidentally brush your rear end with his hand. By the way, he doesn't speak a lick of English. Folks, if you can imagine it, things can get even better on the night bus. The road is a mess of potholes, twists, and hairpin turns, sending your stomach swirling and your body slamming into the bed's metal guard rails or the stranger next to you. This is the VIP bus, but why on earth would there be a restroom on the VIP bus when you can use nature's toilet? The stops aren't planned. They have no order, but at whatever time the driver is feeling bored, he'll flick on the florescent lights inches above your head, turn on Gangnam Style at full volume, and holler something in Lao about taking a pee. At that time you will grab your shoe-baggie, cram towards the door with every other exhausted and peeved bus-rider, and hop out the door while trying to put on your shoes. Then, you and the others race into the ditch or open field at which you have been parked, and relieve yourself in the best place you can find in 10 seconds. After a very short minute, the bus driver honks the horn once, twice, and then three times, as everyone races back to the bus, crowding and shoving to pack through the rabbit-hole of a doorway once again. The minute everyone is through the door, the gas is punched, and you lurch away for a few more fun hours before the next stop. By this time, it's around midnight, you've been on the bus for about four hours. You've been hungry for all four of these hours. The bus pulls over to a dim restaurant in the middle of nowhere. You crowd and push out, get a piping hot bowl of noodle soup, and eat it in the company of thousands of giant bugs that are flying around and smashing into your face and neck. You eat quickly, because you hear the horn, and the bus is starting to pull away. Crowding, pushing, shoving, and away into the night. If you're lucky, as I was, the person next to you might be a hogger. They try, while pretending not to, to gain as much of the bed as possible. Don't take that, you deserve your equal sliver of the bed. When the bus lurches away from your side, that's your turn to make a move. Stick out your butt, stick out your knees, stick out your elbows. You are the human cactus. Stay like that for awhile, until they fall asleep or think you've fallen asleep. The bus lurches your way, time to defend your territory! Brace yourself against the guardrail, and don't give up and inch of ground. You won't sleep, but you won't wake up spooning with a stranger, either, and let's face it, you probably weren't going to be sleeping anyway. If you're tired of the average travel experience, and find it far too comfortable and restful, then I strongly recommend the sleeper bus to you. I can guarantee from personal experience that you will get the discomfort and awkward situations you're missing in your life.