Lately, I've been deeply unhappy. Sometimes I'm just the sort of unhappy that I can just decide to overcome, and succeed when I choose joy over sorrow. But other times, I am overwhelmed with the deep heart hurt, that feels like an empty ache that starts in my chest and spreads through my soul. I have had a lot of the deep heart hurt recently. My instinct during these times tells me to hide. The hiding place I usually go to is an open field a mile from my house, where there was a huge stack of hay bales that thoroughly hid me from anyone who would glance into the field, as well as offered a sense of safety and anonymity. I liked to lay down behind them and look at the mountains and be completely alone. A few days ago, I needed to hide, so I went out to my hiding place. But it was GONE. It felt like that feeling, when you climb a staircase in the darkness, and you are sure there is one more step, but when you try to climb it, your stomach drops and your heart skips a beat as your foot falls through the darkness and lands with a thump on the same level as your other foot. I was quite confused, and actually very angry with whoever had come and removed my hiding place. It felt strange, but I walked out into the now completely exposed field, and lay down on some prickly dead grass. I watched a hawk glide low over the summer's no lifeless weeds, and listened to the highway breath in the distance. No more of this nonsense, I thought. I do not need to hideout of restlessness and discontent any longer. I am called to make the most of whichever situation I planted in, regardless if that is where I want to be or not. I want to go places and do things NOW, but I am learning a difficult lesson in patience. Even when we would give anything to be somewhere else, we must give everything to thrive where we are.
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