For Real.

Everyone. My life is crazy. A year ago I was dreaming of adventure, worrying because I had no idea how I could make it happen. I was panicking about the future, crying about the past, and stuck without an idea of what I was passionate about or what I should pursue in life. I decided enough was enough. I wanted to be a doer, not just a dreamer. So I quit high school, got my GED, and ran after a several different dreams and heartbreaks that never worked out because they just weren't supposed to. I got a job I hated but quickly learned to love it, and let go of all the expectations I had for myself. I thought about my future, the long run, not just the next few years. I thought about what I loved, what made me cry for joy, and what I needed to do in order to make my life matter. I didn't make plans. Just thought. And waited. I stopped dieting, and started exercising and trying to love the person God made me. Which, by the way, is WAY easier said than done. We are our worst critics, it seems. I decided I was done being affected by negative opinions, and cut all my hair off. I realized I wanted to be a teacher, and applied for MSU. I decided to be happy, and to work for that happiness and claim it for myself. Now, I'm almost an adult, I'm employee of the month at my soon-to-be-done job, I start my last weeks of work tomorrow, I'm enrolled as a fall 2013 student, and...I leave for Thailand in 16 days. I'm going. I can hardly believe it. It honestly scares the crap out of me, but I don't think it's enough to just be dreamers. In the end, we our measured by our experiences, not just our dreams. Dreams are motivational, but experience is life-changing. You have to take a risk. You have to feel the fear and heart pounding exhilaration of not knowing what's going to happen. I am so overwhelmed, so terrified, but actually, so happy. I've been waiting for this time in my life for far too long. I get to travel for three months, move in with my best friend, find a new job, and start college. This is finally for real.