Adios, 2012

This year. Man, I don't even know what to say about it. This was not my happiest year. One of my worst, actually. I tried and failed more times and in more endeavors than I want to count. However, this was a learning year, full of hard lessons and tough truths. I learned a lot about my self, the people in my life, and my faith in God and His timing. Even though it's been kind of a rough stretch of road, I have done some pretty interesting things this year. I dropped out of school, got my GED, spent my summer, fall, and winter working in a retirement home, cut my own hair, applied for my dream job in Ethiopia, learned to knit, ran my first 5K, followed three ridiculous diets, learned to drive, and got all my hair cut off. I'm looking forward to the new year. I will apply for college in January, travel alone internationally in the spring and summer, move in with one of my best friends in August, and work hard to become an elementary school teacher for children in developing countries. I never imagined that this would be the direction of my life. I still wish I was moving to Ethiopia. Oh, I wish it more than anything. But I have to trust. And I have to be optimistic. Sometimes the best thing is not the one we want, but the one that will bring the most good in the end. A new year is here, and it's time to be brave and run right into it.

The 100th New Plan

So...News Flash: I am going to college. I said I would probably never go, but it seems like whatever I say lately, the very opposite is bound to happen. I realized something that broke my heart about a week ago: maybe I'm not meant to run away to Africa...Yet. It is all I've wanted for such a long time, it really shook my world up. I still miss Ethiopia more than anything, but I can't have everything I want. Unfortunately. It feels like every big dream I have turns to dust as soon as I get close enough to almost reach it. It hurts, but as a result, I've gotten pretty darn good at dealing with this whole failure thing. Oh, I should probably mention why I decided that college is necessary. I realized that if I truly want a prosperous future in which I impact maximum number of lives for the better, I need more education. I was struggling when God brought these things to my attention, and I argued that there was nothing I loved enough that I could study in college. But, things were cleared up pretty quick when The Lord told my heart "Maddie, you love to teach; you always have. You need to be a teacher." And there it is. I want to be a teacher. Crazy! If you've learned anything from reading my blog, it is that I cannot write consistently, I change my mind (which runs at a hundred miles an hour) A LOT, and that nothing in my life is for sure. Not a darn thing. I sure wish that wasn't true. I am very nervous for college, not for the usual reasons, but because it means four years in the same place, going to school, like I said I never would. I just want to be happy. I try so hard to be. I am planning to travel this summer, so that should get some of the wanderlust out of my system for a little while. Anyway, those are a few things that are new in my crazy-not-crazy life. Thanks for reading. As always.     -mads